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Is it because we have a conscience that this life hurts us so?
Or is it because something inside us, something just out of our perception does not want us to know who we are, and fears what we might see if we see through mountains, if we comprehended all of creation?
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Making monstersby Underground Panther in the Sky, Unknown News
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Dec. 8, 2003
It looks like someone wants to remove humankind's' conscience.
The elites apparently want a society of servants without a conscience, obeying orders, without fear or self-interest and with no side effects that are costly impediments like post-traumatic stress disorder (PSTD) or remorse.
All they want is your heart, mind, body, beauty, and soul.
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And they also want you to shut up and forget about it. They want to rip you apart, either painfully or painlessly, while you can't say no or even tell that they are doing it.
Do you really want humanity to have no conscience or guilt, remorse or compassion, no mercy, no love in it? Do you want everyone to avoid pain and to ensure service to become a sociopath? A servant — a living dead thing?
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In the Popul Vuh it was written, how early on when mankind was first made by the gods. It was said they saw the whole of reality, they observed the dome of the sky and comprehended it. They saw through mountains. They understood the whole of it and they were powerful, beautiful, wise, noble, and radiant beings that were tenderhearted, creative, and strong like Gods ...
But the "gods" who made them got jealous of the people they’d made, because they really wanted servants — who would praise them, take care of them, tend the altars of sacrifice, and never leave them to fend for themselves and do it creatively. They created us to be servants capable of praising them in our own words.
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The "People" the "gods" made before us were wood mannequins, and the gods were frustrated because the mannequins could not praise them with creative words and art. Eventually the world itself destroyed them, even pots and pans smashed their faces out of hate at being mistreated by them. This is because the intention of the gods all along was to create servants who were like themselves but also had no soul.
The gods tried again. They mixed their own blood and breath and jizz into clay in an experiment to make willing slaves who had enough of a spirit just to praise them creatively.
And they got us. And we scared them.
The gods didn't want any rival Gods, with clear vision and free will too… So what did these "gods" do to stay on top?
They blinded mankind. They deliberately restricted what we see to only what is near us, and that made humanity ignorant, and small-minded, tribal, and focussed on himself. Like the gods that made him, but not quite.
Ao man was blinded to serve the "gods," and praised them with art, song, and service. The gods never went hungry for the altars were never unattended. Until the likes of folks like First Jaguar managed to knock some of the film off of his eyes long enough to create a smoking mirror…
The Indians today speak of a white-eyed monster, and this is what we must defeat if we are to survive.
When I was a teenager, I had never heard the Popul Vuh or of the white-eyed monster. But I have had visions (a spiritual thing) of something I call a "glitter maggot. "
It is a huge white larval-looking thing covered in shiny glitter. As I got closer to this thing in my vision, I saw that glitter was the shattered pieces of people's images — all the dreams, hopes, compassion, love, creativity, insight that people have discounted, thrown away, or given away. But they didn't know it was being taken away before it was given away, taken by a very clever force, a shattering wave. The glitter was from people who are shattered, and they were broken by the glitter maggots screaming to be fed, obeyed, served admired, protected, honored and saying all sorts of promises and bribes just to keep the people serving …
In the vision I saw glassy-eyed people who got in its vicinity shattering apart, screaming silent screams and sparks being torn out from their head area and chest area and sticking to the green-gray-pus-colored-storm sky tinted skin of this monster, covering a patch of skin with glitter that showed that horrible color almost if it was to adorn it or hide it.
Its mouth was always open, dark, ringed with rows of blade like teeth like a lamprey's, its tongue was a cone shaped tube sending out this perception wave as it writhed, showing off the sparkles, that attracted more people to its perimeters. (very hard to describe this/power/warp coming from the tongue)
I saw its eyes were swollen and filled white with pus-like stuff with countless faces floating in it, swirling like a soup in a balloon, dead faces with white eyes. And the people that were shattered, they still had a expression of trapped yet distant horror as they floated down its gullet, unmoving. Some went inside the tongue cone. I followed them to see, and its teeth were scary ravenous things.
As I went into the cone tongue there was a wave coming out of it that changed molecules. It warped the fabric of perception. It was deafening and sucking me in faster. I gave up hope for getting myself out of that current, because it was so strong ... and in I floated, into a chamber with a really bizarre torture scene full of people reduced to the most depraved states a human could be reduced to with the most diabolical of imaginations, but there were no sadists in the room.
I could see they were holding themselves up on the racks, insulting themselves, and torturing themselves day and night, while screaming that they were special and that the world owes them for this ... and they had erections as they were licking their lips for more blows from their own fists. Their eyes were white, with larvae in them; they were giving birth to more glitter maggots.
I watched as one person in what looked like agony, telling himself how he was the most evil thing in the world, and the most clever person in the world, described this experience like a rapture. His breath smelt like raw chicken bones that have been in the trash too long, and as he shuddered in pleasure/pain (as the two things fused in his mind) he took a long iron pole and skewered himself on it slowly, saying ohh yes I deserve worse, I am the will of god.
Thousands of these little monsters exploded out of his mouth, and they pumped out of the glitter maggot's tongue. The skewered guy jerked and looked down. He said awful things about those people in the belly below him, that they were torturing him, they were cowards and responsible for every horror in this reality ... as a small maggot popped out of his nose and floated up out of the tongue.
I was horrified. I didn't understand. I thought, oh shit ...
Then I was moved into the glitter maggot mouth area, and down into its belly, where people languished in an acid bath in the dark. It was like they were stuck down a well. Teeth blades were there, and if you looked up, you could hear the torture going on in the tongue overhead.
The people in the stomach had these little hard spheres inside their chests. They told me that the maggot wanted it out of them. Because it made it sick. But the people didn't like the acid bath, they talked about escape and how much it hurt being in that place, wondering how they got there, and how to get out, and why why why this was happening?
They clinged to their balls in their chests and this way they were able to float at least. I noticed that each sphere had a light in it, a light that jumped into all the balls in the people there. When people who were in danger of losing the hard ball in their chests, because the acid ate through them, other people jumped on and restored the balls in their chests, they merged and got bigger, and this irritated the glitter maggot's belly, making it gag.
The people who were over in the corners and lost their grip on the ball just silently sank into the acid and their ball just floated until someone picked it up gingerly. And we cried, as we saw the acid-eaten corpse get sucked upwards in a clear tube just like the tube the fat kid got sucked into when he fell into the chocolate river system, in the movie Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. The people assumed it was the digestive tract of the maggot shitting them out. I told them no, look, it leads up to the base of the tongue ... and another person went under.
I could not take seeing this. After I said it out loud, I screamed and punched the maggot from inside his gut wall. I cussed, I kicked, and my head felt like it was going to explode, I was so pissed off and disgusted and afraid and overwhelmed. I screamed at the maggot. I wished it dead, wanted it gone, I screamed that it had no right to do this, to exist this way. I called it a perversion, everything bad I could think of, and I screamed, "I'm not like you! I want the fuck out of here NOW ..."
Then, in a motion not under my control, bright burning lightning shot out of my eyes and out of the maggot. I came out of the maggot and my eyes were unable to see the lightning burned them, but I still I saw that lightning was coming out of some of the other maggots too, and it merged into a shimmery pool. The maggots writhed, they were attracted, fascinated with the glittery-looking pool, yet afraid to look at it, too. It made this horrible sound as it sucked and shattered, spewed and churned everything inside it and around it, more at a furious pace, in frustration, jealousy, and anger. Then it tuned its glitter plates in a way as to imitate the pool. And finally it couldn't stand it. It looked into the pool and then it just exploded, as the lightning jumped into its eyes.
All that filth flew out. It was awful. All the people flew out and all the glitter that had encrusted this monster's skin was left in the air, hovering, glasslike, in suspension.
The people were looking around, very confused. Some started moving slowly away from the scene, but they were weakened from having been in that thing. The other glitter maggots that were not exploded moved in, sopping up as much of the glitter as they could get, pushing on each other, flashing teeth, and sucking in as much people and debris they could get in their gullets like sharks on a feeding frenzy.
The self-torturing people of the tongue just kept beating themselves, oblivious to what just happened, and cutting their own faces with any shards of glitter they could grab as they opened their arms, singing praises, then got sucked into another maggot's tongue. They didn't care, they just wanted to stay in a maggots tongue, any maggot's, giving birth to these monsters. It was their chosen purpose on the surface.
A few people from the stomach escaped the feeding. They had sparkling in their heads and chests, they clustered together, to swim away faster. Their spheres grew big and looked like jewels and they got away just in time before the maggots shot that wave force perception stuff out of their cone-tongues, spinning out the broadcast like searchlights on a tower, and beginning the whole process over.
Eventually the people who were out of range wandered until they came to a barrier. They floated up and down it, looking to get past it. They linked arms searching but their eyes were milky white, almost like cataracts. They tried, feeling every inch for any crevasse in the smoothness, to tear open an invisible door. Some got tired and stopped looking, and started drifting towards a glitter maggot. Some found themselves floating away, but remembered they had done this before, and reached out to the people on the wall, who pulled them back. Some who were too weak to call out drifted towards a shatter zone. Others just let themselves go dark and drift.
And then silently in a blink, some of the glittery spheres in the people just winked out through the wall. If you weren't there at that moment, you wouldn't see it. And the body became some powdery stuff that fed the people along the wall, keeping them searching.
After this first vision I was pretty upset for a few days. It haunted my thoughts. But eventually daily life came rushing back in, and so I didn't ponder it much. I just got on with life.
Until I had this nightmare, about a year later. ...
In the dream my head was so itchy. I tried everything from herbal tea soaks, hot oil treatments, to prescription ointments to stop the damn itch.
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One day in the dream, I was looking in the mirror to see if my head was getting any better. I picked part of what looked like a zit, and a little white worm came out.
Horrified, I ripped at my scalp, but it was soft, and the skin just gave way under my nails like an overripe tomato.
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I myself felt pushed over. I snatched the bathroom trash can, and maggots poured out of my head into the trashcan like someone dumped out a whole pitcher of them. And I looked back into the mirror, and part of my head was eaten away.
No-one was in the room but me. My head wasn't gross-looking, it was just empty, black, nothing there where it was eaten. And I was glad. At least those maggots were out of my head. I got some lighter fluid and matches, took the trashcan outside, and caught it on fire. I heard baby maggot cries and yelling smacking and begging, and then it stopped. The maggots were burnt to a crisp. And the itching was gone.
And I woke up.
I went to school. I forgot about it. Years passed.
I was in the hospital. I had an MRI scan of my head for suspected seizure problems. I had a grand mal, and temporal lobe stuff.
My doctor was pointing out a lesion in my brain. He said it looked old, like it was there from birth. It occurred to me, it was on the side of my head that had been eaten away in the dream, years before.
He showed me my MRI scan. He was concerned and wanted to send me to a neurologist. I was tweaking in case it was a tumor or something. I felt pretty powerless.
On the way to visit the neurologist, I was motivated to pull out the scan photos and look. I held them up against the windshield of the car looking at that 'speck' ... and I imagined lightning zapping out of my eyes.
My intuition wasn't satisfied with that, so I yanked down the flippy mirror thing overhead and I stared into my own eyes. My intuition wasn't satisfied with that either, so I put the transparent MRI scan over the mirror and lined up the speck in the paths of my own eyes. I imagined lightning flowing from my real eyes, into the image of the lesion, into my reflected eyes out into the other side of the picture into my eyes into my brain vaporizing the real lesion like the one in the picture, like a laser burning out the speck like a piece of wire helplessly trapped between a circuit giving it a power overload. I said NO, then had a sudden shooting pain in my head. And it stopped.
Mom, beside me in the car, asked what in the hell was I doing. I said, "Nothing, Mom, just looking at my brain."
When we got to the doctor's office, he had me do the standard goofy neurology functioning tests, like standing on my heels and touching my nose. He ordered another MRI.
When the neurologist got 'em back, he said the lesion was gone. He showed me the new scan, with no speck in it.
I asked him, how could a lesion that looks like it was in my head since birth just go pouf? He had no explanation. He said it just happens sometimes.
I got suspicious, but both my doctors refused to let me have my old scans to compare the two. Why? I dunno.
It has made me a bit wary. But I can tell you this: I don't need seizure medicine anymore.
All I can say is, there is so much unknown-ness in living things, just untapped or belittled. Who knows what abilities are latent inside us, while we languish at our jobs dulled into apathy to obey? We can't accept freely growing, because the extortionists teach us to believe we are not created equal, to believe it is bad for us if we are different from one another. One person must be worth more than the rest somehow, or so we are told. And we try to become better than each other when there is no such thing as one person being worth more than others... Who would make the standard of worth and enforce it, if not an authority figure?
Do we never quite comprehend our condition because so much of who we are is diverted into adoration of authorities, covering up their putridness and swallowing their poisons? Do we hate enough to love it and make it part of it ourselves — and destroy it like a bolt from the blue —
Or do we go on believing what the 'gods' say we must, being what they say, doubting our own worth as they strip away the glitter from us, spark by spark? Do we just go on competing, to feed the gods, hoping to get some reward? Is it really bliss to not see suffering around you, turning off our consciences, growing a thick skin, bleaching our sepulchre of death with hypocrite white. Living in terror of being exposed?
Why do we doubt our own beauty and ridicule our own creativity, shun our intuition, shame our empathy, and abuse all expressions of tenderheartedness? Why do we go on beating ourselves up, just to believe what we are told, pretending we want more authority just to give birth to more of the same?
Is it because we have a conscience that this life hurts us so? Or is it because something inside us, something just out of our perception does not want us to know who we are, and fears what we might see if we see through mountains, if we comprehended all of creation?
And we snuff ourselves out, just to not feel our own helplessness. We're searching for answers that do not come from being on this side of the smooth contours of the wall keeping us here.
I dunno what it all means. But I do know this: I hate the white-eyed monster glitter maggot, whatever it is.
My brain may have put an image on something intangible, to show me something about the mind in a way I might comprehend it. Which is fine ... but I hate the glitter maggot, whatever it is.
When I see the Pentagon wanting guilt-free soldiers, I see the people of the tongue. What are we giving birth to, people? Do we even fathom it? Do we even remember that we can refuse to take this future for ourselves, laid out as praises on the altar for the gods of power, greed, abuse, self hatred and death? Refuse the gods who blinded us into their service, so that they might make the world in their own image. . so long ago.
© 2003, by the author.
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