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The last Presidential and first Imperial order
by Don Nash, Unknown News
May 24, 2005
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Emperor George
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I, George Walker Bush, in my official capacity as the duly appointed President of the United States of America, declare myself to be Emperor.
The Constitution of the United States of America is no longer in effect. I have cancelled it. None of its provisions or Amendments apply.
The United States Congress, the House of Representatives and the Senate, are cancelled. They are a hindrance to the democratic cause and they get on my nerves. I will, however, keep Bill Frist and Tom Delay around to rubber stamp whatever I decide needs rubber stamping.
America is the world’s only super power and America will not be challenged by any other nation. America and I reserve the right to preempt and assimilate any or all that would oppose my divine right of ownership.
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My word is now the rule of law and what I say, goes. Whatever I say is true. Intelligence or any other conclusions that may indicate otherwise, are strictly prohibited.
Dissent or disagreement with any decision I make is prohibited.
Violations of this decision will result
in permanent detention at Guantanamo Bay,
or one of the other fine facilities I have at my disposal for keeping nasty and disagreeable evildoers out of my hair and out of public sight.
All detentions are for the good of the democratic cause and I know what is best.
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| Preemptive war is from this day forth, the national sport.
Dissent or disagreement with any decision I make is prohibited. Violations of this decision will result in permanent detention at Guantanamo Bay, or one of the other fine facilities I have at my disposal for keeping nasty and disagreeable evildoers out of my hair and out of public sight. All detentions are for the good of the democratic cause and I know what is best.
God speaks directly to me and through me. Any disagreements with that statement will be considered heresy. Any disagreement doers will be subject to an examination by the High Council for Evangelical Christian Purity in America.
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The High Council for Evangelical Christian Purity in America are from this day forward, the official enforcers of my word. Americans will obey them as they would me.
All trial lawyers are now considered to be “enemies of the state.” The trial lawyers will be summarily rounded up and sent to Abu Ghraib prison in America’s newest state, Iraq. Governor Iyad Allawi will send me monthly reports on how the trial lawyers are faring. I certainly hope they farewell, heh heh.
All new grants of statehood will be decided by me. America is to be one big happy family and we should all welcome the new arrivals as I instruct you to.
Sunday is the official Sabbath and all businesses and venues for entertainment will be closed on Sunday. Americans will go to church and there will be no exceptions. I and several of my close friends are of course excepted and we’ll be playing golf. The High Council for Evangelical Christian Purity in America has submitted a list of acceptable churches to me and I have approved it. Americans will receive notice of where their official churches are in their respective neighborhoods.
The High Council for Evangelical Christian Purity in America will assume all Homeland policing duties. They will train and equip new zoning and enforcement squads and patrol our nation’s borders. They will set the standards for allegiance determinations, patriotic participation and support of preemptive wars, and ensure that ‘evolution’ is no longer taught in our nation’s schools. They will also act as the “abortion police.”
All National Parks, National Forests, National Wilderness Areas, and National Historic Sites are now open for exploitation. If a resource that I need is in one of those areas, we will get it out. I know what is best for America.
Kenny Boy Lay is my personal friend and is no longer under any criminal suspicion or criminal prosecutions.
All Americans being held in our nation’s prisons that are on death row will be executed by noon tomorrow. Execution is good for America, I say so.
Torture is no longer a criminal offense. Illegal detentions are not illegal. Anyone forced into personal bankruptcy will from now on be considered to be “property” of whomever is owed the debt. Debtors prisons are not cost effective, but slavery is. All slaves will be subject to a tax incentive for the owner.
Corporate America is our best friend and will never be slandered or made fun of. The business of America is profitability and the bottom line. Outsourcing is good for the American worker.
Taxes will be paid by the poor and the rich are exempt from taxes. Corporations are exempt from taxes. America’s schools will educate more for less. America’s schools need to use the Wal-Mart business model as their school’s curriculum.
America has enemies and the following list contains the names of those that I have decided are America’s enemies: Bill Clinton; Hillary Clinton; France; Germany; Jimmy Carter; Ted Kennedy; the internets; bloggers; Planned Parenthood; the Sierra Club; Syria; Iran; Muslims; Buddhists; Libertarians; Democrats; the United Nations; Kofi Annan; hip hop; rap music; college; Ward Churchill; Apple Computers; AOL; the Axis of Evil (North Korea, Iran, and George Soros); Benedictine Nuns; the Sisters of Mercy; Daniel Ellsburg; the liberal media; the ACLU; Howard Stern; Moveon.org; Victor Hugo; Fidel Castro and his sneaky pal Chavez; Los Angeles, California; Peru; Andy Wharhol; and Jane Fonda. The list could be expanded at any time and advance notice will not be forthcoming.
With the twenty first century being the post 9/11/01 America, these are uncertain times. I, however, have preempted any fears that Americans may have. Americans may now sit back and relax knowing that I’ll decide what is best for everyone and tell you how to act and when. I’ve suspended all term limits that may have applied to my office and I’ll decide and then let everyone know when or if I’m leaving my throne/office.
I am going to need for America’s patriotic poor to offer their sons and daughters up for service in America’s all volunteer military. I have a lengthy list of rogue states and states that sponsor terrorism that I’m going to need to preempt. I know that you’ll understand and voluntarily give me your children. If I have to instruct the High Council for Evangelical Christian Purity in America to come and get your kids, well, that isn’t going to look like you are patriotically volunteering your children and we can’t have that now, can we. America can afford to sacrifice your children and those in America that are above it all, well you understand that America simply can’t have those special children being messed up or worse.
This is all for the best and I know what I’m doing. God has given me special instructions and plans and I know thatGod trusts me.
Most sincerely,
George Bush
Emperor,
Superpower America
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Recent articles by this author:
May 17, 2005
Top Ten torture techniques
by Don Nash, Unknown News
March 15, 2005:
The what if game
by Don Nash
March 1, 2005:
The ancillary benefits of torture
by Brig. Gen. Gus ‘Sparky' Bloodworth,
as told to Don Nash
Feb. 15, 2005:
A screaming symphony for dying children or, The political harmonics of genocidal mania
by Don Nash
Jan. 25, 2005:
Lying politicians and
the voters who elect them
by Don Nash
Jan. 18, 2005:
Six degrees of pure evil
by Don Nash
Jan. 11, 2005:
Gulag Bushwald
by Don Nash
Nov. 16, 2004:
George W. Genocide
and the divine engine of war
by Don Nash
Nov. 9, 2004:
American mules
by Don Nash
Oct. 29, 2004:
Assuage that conscience
and medicate your soul
by Don Nash
Oct. 22, 2004:
A world without leadership
by Don Nash
Oct. 11, 2004:
Job qualifications for
President of the United States
by Don Nash
Oct. 6, 2004:
Miscellaneous rants
of an old radical,
as the candidates "debate"
by Don Nash
Aug. 31, 2004:
Got hope?
by Don Nash
Aug. 27, 2004:
At the Republican convention,
Aunt Norma is missing
by Don Nash
Aug. 20, 2004:
The police state at work and play
by Don Nash
Aug. 3, 2004:
"With a heavy dose of fear and violence, and a lot of money for projects, I think we can convince these people that we are here to help them"
by Don Nash
July 23, 2004:
The right to be a smart-ass
by Don Nash
July 20, 2004:
Credible reports suggest that
reports are not credible
by Don Nash
July 14, 2004:
Senators, stop lying
to the American people
by Don Nash
July 9, 2004:
Something creepy going on ... in
my head, my heart, my country
by Don Nash
July 2, 2004:
It's the same sad story ...
Native Americans get screwed
by Don Nash
July 1, 2004:
Dick Cheney, one small and evil man
by Don Nash
June 29, 2004:
Perfunctory politics in the
Corporate States of America
by Don Nash
June 28, 2004:
Let’s stir up some controversy ...
by Don Nash
June 25, 2004:
F. T. A.
by Don Nash
June 22, 2004:
A declaration for the 21st Century
by Don Nash
June 18, 2004:
Nixon, Reagan, & George W. Bush:
The unholy trinity of political perversion
by Don Nash
June 11, 2004:
The essential Ralph Nader
by Don Nash
June 8, 2004:
It's not funny!
by Don Nash
June 4, 2004:
A tale of two Muslims
by Don Nash
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© by the author.
What do you think?
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