by Don Nash, Unknown News July 26, 2005 West Side Surveys and Opinion Polling Research Inc. has released the results of a month long survey and polling of American people. The conclusions and findings do not necessarily reflect current trends in political spin or relevance of Washington D. C. oriented propaganda or reality-based beliefs that may or may not be shared by current members in Congress.

Fully 52% of all Americans surveyed for this poll believed that Bush’s war on Iraq was started for some reason.

An additional 27% of Americans surveyed believed that the Bush administration still may not have any idea exactly where Iraq may be.

47.31% of Americans surveyed felt strongly that Saddam Hussein was George Bush’s brother-in-law.

An additional 19% of Americans surveyed thought that Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld was an evil alien imported by the Bush administration to waste taxpayer dollars.

Note: Percentage totals may at times exceed the mathematical quotients of 100%. This is due to the overlapping nature of some questions and unspecified entries made by those taking and making the surveys and the accompanying result tallies.

38% of those surveyed felt that America was holding its own in the war on terror.

17% of Americans surveyed responded with an “I thought this was the war on poverty.”

19% of Americans surveyed thought that the real terrorists were the Republican National Committee.

13% of Americans surveyed thought that the Democratic National Committee, and Howard Dean in particular, worked for Satan.

5% of Americans who participated in the polling thought that Dick Cheney was an automaton on loan from Disneyland to score points with the Bush administration.

An amazing number of respondents at 41%, stated categorically, “war, what war?”

49% of all Americans polled for this survey felt that ‘civil liberties’ were best left to the lawyers.

26% of Americans polled felt that liberties were not very civil at all.

22% of Americans taking the survey thought that liberties were actually libraries, and had books overdue, and thus refused to answer any questions.

Note: This survey holds the possibility of a margin of error at + or - 6% either way, with variance dependant upon rain, humidity, mood, disposition of poll takers, and the amount of dollars coughed up to those taking the poll.

Fully 43% of those participating in the survey felt that McDonald’s had the answer to global poverty.

28% of those Americans felt that Chicken McNuggets should be sent to Africa immediately, with a choice of sauces.

19% of Americans polled wondered why those that lay about didn’t get themselves up and plant some corn.

15% of Americans that took this survey admitted to sending last nights leftovers to Kofi Annan at the United Nations.

17% of survey respondents felt that the poor should just plant fish.

Fully 56% of those taking the surveys responded that Bush and Blair wouldn’t know truth if it walked up behind them and screamed really loud.

51% volunteered to try.

40% of polling participants were certain that Bush and Blair had both sold their basic human decency to get themselves elected to office.

33% of those Americans taking this poll began laughing hysterically and couldn’t respond to the question.

4% of those surveyed thought that George Bush had lied to Tony Blair.

3.8% of those surveyed thought that Tony Blair had lied to George Bush.

16% of all respondents thought that both Bush and Blair should have their mouths washed out with soap.

Fully 65% of all Americans who participated in this survey thought that Judith Miller was a “stupid cow.”

A further 38% of those responding to the surveys had no idea who Robert Novak is.

19% of survey respondents felt that mainstream media were telling the American people something, but the respondents couldn’t figure out what it might be.

57% of all those that participated in the surveys wanted Walter Cronkite to come back and give America the news.

7% of those surveyed thought that mainstream media was giving “it” to Americans.

5% of those 7% wanted mainstream media to “stop it.”

23% of Americans had “read the news today... oh boy ...”

47% of all Americans felt that torture was necessary at times, especially if it involved the “wife or husband.”

22% of those responding to this survey felt that their employers were holding them in “illegal detention.”

18% of those taking the polling felt that television was torture.

A shocking 57% of those expressing a preference felt that Britney Spears was torturing Americans.

32% of Americans surveyed said they thought that the separation between church and state happened between the 5th and 6th commandment.

28% of all respondents felt that the Supreme Court wrote the original Ten Commandments.

15% of Americans believe that the Ten Commandments are the Constitution.

Fully 85% of all pollsters know full well what they are getting over on the American people.

10% of all pollsters in America think that polls accurately reflect the thinking of the American people.

19% of all pollsters in America think that Poland is where polling originated.

Finally, fully 98% of all Americans think that pollsters have a “pretty sweet gig” so, shouldn’t they just go out and get a “regular job?”