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The latest in BushSpeak
by Madeline Zane, Unknown News
Dec. 6, 2005
From the people who have tried to revise the meaning of words from "quagmire" to "insurgent," here are the latest Bush-era revisions to the English language, based on the title of their new report, "NATIONAL STRATEGY FOR VICTORY IN IRAQ."
National -- (adjective) 1. Karl Rove's 2. Dick Cheney's 3. George Bush's, to the extent that he knows all about it from what's written on the cue cards. (example) "We cannot comment on the Valerie Plame case for reasons of national security."
Strategy -- (noun) 1. PR campaign 2. Strings of cliches and
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euphemisms strung together in an aesthetically pleasing manner with no discernible meaning 3. Proposed course of action that runs counter to all expert advice and popular opinion (example) "We have a strategy to reduce the deficit by never collecting taxes from rich people ever again."
Victory -- (noun) 1. Destruction 2. Death 3. Torture 4. Profiteering, looting, appropriation of resources 5. More death, esp. the violent murder of innocent civilians 6. Erasing all traces of oldest civilization on the planet 7. Immoral orders given to troops, the compliance with which must necessarily drive those troops completely insane 8. Mayhem 9. Chaos 10. Evil (example) "Those who think we should start withdrawing troops from Iraq do not want victory."
Iraq -- (proper noun) 1. Iraq, plus Afghanistan, with the possible addition of Iran, Syria, Venezuela, and maybe France if they keep pissing us off 2. Any nation outside of America which is sitting on top of a deposit of American oil (example) "We will remain in Iraq until the job is done"
Job - see Victory, above.
© by the author.
What do you think?
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