by Mr Chuckles, Unknown News
April 25, 2006
This is dedicated to my friends at
www.unknownnews.org, to my mountain pal
"Sis," to "Uncle Joe" Bageant, Hero
of the Internet Wordsmiths, and to
my other friends everywhere...
The Dosadi Experiment by Frank Herbert
reminds me very much of a real place: the Gaza
Strip. Or really, all of Palestine:
Spend a few moments and laugh with me. :)
As an experiment, seal the borders of a dry,
poisonous land having insufficient resources and
a high birth rate. Arm the inhabitants, but
periodically brutalize them. Allow them hope,
but take away those hopes at random intervals.
Simmer gently for generations. Document
Ironically, the anti-Darwin evangelists
working to eliminate science from biology
studies in America proudly support this real-life Dosadi Experiment. So, at the same time
televangelists are demonstrating for all
to see the reality of devolution, the
Palestinians are busily evolving Survivors.
Fast, ruthless, angry, smart Survivors who
are owed blood debt.
"How to start a war? Nurture your own latent hungers for power. Forget that only madmen pursue power for its own sake. Let such madman gain power -- even you. Let such madman act behind their conventional masks of sanity. Whether their masks be fashioned from the delusions of defense or the theological aura of law, war will come."|
from The Dosadi Experiment
* * *
While I am on the subject of televangelists
claiming to be "Christian," the so-called
"culture wars" are even phonier and more
contrived than televangelical dogma.
First, "indecency" on television is not
intended to debauch Christian viewers.
Television itself is not even "culture." It is
an artifact of capitalism run amok.
Second, instead of demanding that the FCC
eliminate "indecent" programming on television
it would be far better to simply turn off
those boxes. This advice applies to everyone,
not just televangelists.
* * *
Soon enough, those of us in the bottom
economic percentiles will be forced to find
ways to save money. Many of us are at that
point already. Choices will be necessary, and
entire categories of expenditures will be
prioritized down to nothingness.
Undoubtedly, the wisest among the economically
disadvantaged will choose to have a computer
and dialup internet over cable TV, cell
phones, iPods, X Boxes and NASCAR -- to say
nothing of Budweiser, Playboy and V-8 engines.
A computer with minimal internet has many
uses, including entertainment, education, and
income creation. Better yet, even slow
internet access allows the user to
escape a great deal of the government's
propaganda, which totally dominates televised
news and entertainment.
In the face of $75/barrel oil and $4/gallon gasoline, I
wonder how long some of these new, totally
bullshit corporate products -- like
downloading ringtones to your cell phone -- will last. How
long will people continue to pay good money to
download bad TV to their cell phones?
Stay tuned and find out!
* * *
I was surprised to read last week that
"Homeland Security" grants are being used to
pay for clowns, puppet shows and gym
equipment. Paradoxically, the highest
intelligence officer revealed that the US has
100,000 employees working in "intelligence."
My Scottish genes are outraged. Grandpa
McFillibuster is turning over in his grave!
* * *
When the US government goes bankrupt, do you
think it will "go gently into that good
* * *
Speaking of clowns, I passed some time playing
with Google images last night.
The game is simple: enable cookies in your
browser and edit your Google Preferences to
turn off censorship. Then, type in a single
word or phrase and see which pictures appear
on the first page of the search results.
Since Google ranks web pages according to a
popularity and respect algorithm, what you see
on page 1 of Google search results basically
represents the collective opinion of Planet
Earth. And, Google images search is
fascinating because pictures provide semantic
depth and layers of meaning associated with
single words and ideas.
For example, for some reason GW Bush totally
owns the Google image search results for
"moron" -- but not for "imbecile" or "retard."
Explain that, Mr. Spock!
* * *
Speaking of Bush, the court of public opinion
now judges that the Iraq War was misbegotten
and is doomed to failure.
We blame Bush, mostly. But soon, I hope, we
will come to accept the truth of the matter,
which is that "we" are to blame, collectively.
This will be our moment of Enlightenment,
the instant of national realization of "Oops!
Sorry! Our bad!"
Then, when we as a nation admit our faults and
misdeeds, we will be able to begin to solve the
problems that Bush created. :)
I do not believe, though, that a collective
apology will cut it. Saying "Sorry!" is a good
first step, but amends must be made and wrongs
must be made right (or at least cancelled out).
In the matter of blood debt, in some special
cases money can be substituted for the
shedding of blood.
Unfortunately, the United States is broke.
There is no way we can afford to pay
reparations in full. Therefore, we must do
things the old fashioned way.
How? Simple. Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Powell,
Rice and several generals must be sent to the
Hague for trial as war criminals, and for crimes
For full effect, as a matter of practicality
and expediency, the perps should be "rendered"
on live television attired in orange jumpsuits
and bright, shiny hand-ankle-waist cuffs --
after the customary CIA-administered,
pre-rendition enemas, of course!
I have no doubt whatsoever that the Arab and
other victims of US imperialism and stupid greed
will happily accept our sincere national apologies.
When they see our fearless chickenhawk leaders
trundled off to the dock at the Hague, even
the most diehard jihadists will weep for joy
and rejoice at the sight of those orange
And frankly, I think everyone on the planet
will be hugely relieved when the present
leadership of the US government is safely
There will be a freaking party on that day!
There will be a global festival lasting for
weeks. Young women with bells on their toes will
dance in the streets and young men will
compete in feats of strength and tests of
courage. Old women will weep for joy and old
men will drink toasts of curiously strong
beverages! Music will echo to the
mountain tops! Stock markets will skyrocket!
Gas prices will plummet! Herds of sheep and
cattle will be barbecued and the people will
feast on dessert confections made of
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Everyone on the planet will be hugely relieved when the present leadership of the US government is safely behind bars.|
There will be a freaking party on that day!
There will be a global festival lasting for weeks.
Young women with bells on their toes will dance in the streets and young men will compete in feats of strength and tests of courage.
Old women will weep for joy and old men will drink toasts of curiously strong beverages!
Music will echo to the mountain tops!
Stock markets will skyrocket!
Gas prices will plummet!
Herds of sheep and cattle will be barbecued and the people will feast on dessert confections made of watermelon sugar.
There's much more than this at Unknown News.
When the US government goes bankrupt, do you think it will "go gently into that good night"?
As an experiment, seal the borders of a dry, poisonous land having insufficient resources and a high birth rate.|
Arm the inhabitants, but periodically brutalize them.
Allow them hope, but take away those hopes at random intervals.
Simmer gently for generations.