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Uncle Sam, our Fairy Godfather
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by HappySysiphus, Unknown News
May 5, 2006
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If Uncle Sam is our Fairy Godfather we've got to start
thinking about wishes that will have something in them
for Uncle Sam.
"You know the word, sibling?" asks Uncle Sam. "For
brothers and sisters? Why can't there be a word like
that for nieces and nephews, collectively, y'know? I
could invent one myself, but who the hell would know
what I was talking about?
"And another thing, how come there's not a product on
the market that can get Bald Eagle shit out of a red
and blue velvet jacket? Am I really the only
one? Sometimes, my nieces and nephews, I feel as if
this country of ours, is being administrated by a
bunch of fruit-eating, purple-butted, jingoistic
baboons! I'll be a MONKEY's Uncle!! Fuck the Baboons!"
I ran into Uncle Sam in the Library of Congress. He
was busy changing the combination of the lock on the
secret, magical bookcase that has been his home since
the days when America wasn't completely fucking fake.
I asked him how the ordinary people in the USA could
make a difference against tyranny in these dark,
unholy times.
"The tyrants have been ordered by their computers to
implement policies that have led to 25% of Americans
being mentally ill. That's a distributed force of more
than 87 million Lima beans, and these are KNOWN
crazies which means they've got 'em drugged.
"If you could set a date, for a strike! And you got
all the schizos, and weirdoes and depressives. If you
gathered the malcontents and epileptics, the rejects
and the drooling idiots, the Prozac-sneaking Human
Relations directors and the
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I ran into Uncle Sam in the Library of Congress.
He was busy changing the combination of the lock on the secret, magical bookcase that has been his home since the days when America wasn't completely fucking fake.
I asked him how the ordinary people in the USA could make a difference against tyranny in these dark, unholy times.
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There's much more than this at Unknown News.
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lithium-craving
thought-mo-naughts that think sometimes they came from
Venus.
"If you called upon the obsessives and co-dependents,
the bio-phobics and the brain-lame, the hypo-sane and
the tightly-wound, psychotic, stage-11 clingers. If
all those 87 million crazies rose up to say:
'On a certain day we will put down feet and refuse to
take our pills, and we will break down and cry like
people ought to be doing in your mother-fucking
picture-postcard streets. We will start talking and
talking about how unsafe we feel, how VERY VERY
UN-SAFE!! We will shut-down and curl up in balls and
freak out and smash PROPERTY as if it wasn't the most
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On a certain day we will put down feet and refuse to
take our pills, and we will break down and cry like
people ought to be doing in your mother-fucking
picture-postcard streets.
We will start talking and
talking about how unsafe we feel, how VERY VERY
UN-SAFE!!
We will shut-down and curl up in balls and
freak out and smash PROPERTY as if it wasn't the most
important thing in the world when you consider the
mental health of your own fucking kids!!!!
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important thing in the world when you consider the
mental health of your own fucking kids!!!!
'We will put blame on our parents, and if you're old
enough maybe your one of them who's still hiding from
the truth of what you were not equipped to handle as a
parent. Maybe that shit comes up and yells in your
face.
'Then maybe every body's momma has what you call a
nervous break down which is the result of being
overrun by what you have been running away from inside
for so so lonnnng. Then maybe locks will
simultaneously fly off 87 million FAMILY SECRETS while
nobody at all is coming in to work!'
"Say these things to tyrants, Nephew and you're damn
sure gonna cause them sleepless nights."
I stood agape! What a moving idea, this medication
strike! I wished on every star that spangled him that
Uncle Sam would make it come to pass.
He shook his head, "Borrrring."
He reached into a pile of government documents and
pulled out a patriotically be-spangled rocket, the red
glare of which was half blinding but didn't ruin your
night vision.
"Keep your head waaaaaaaay down when the shooting
starts, nephew!" He yelled into the explosively
increasing distance between us, "Don't be a
herooooooooooooooooh!"
© by the author.
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