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by The American Insurgent, Unknown News
Aug. 15, 2006
Now it's time for Fall insurgent fashion tips. With autumn looming right around the summer corner, here is what the "best dressed" American insurgent will want to know for the upcoming summer's
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over resistance season. One can't be a proper American insurgent without being fashionable, stylish, trendy, and ever so haute couture. So in a word... camo!
Formal camouflage and leisure camo and underwear camo and sporting camo and 'tailgating' camo and footwear camo and remember, cotton wears best. Cotton is cool and comfortable. Cotton washes and wears remarkably well. It's easy to press and cotton won't leave those nasty polyester rashes on a person's tender spots. A polyester rash on a person's keister is so unfashionable. Also makes it a mite difficult to sit on one's posterior during a lengthy protest gathering.
Cotton is perfect fabric unless rioting breaks out with the local constabulary. Rioting is a bad thing and rioting is highly overrated. Rioting tends to leave those messy blood stains on cotton camo and blood is ever-so-difficult to wash clean. Out, damn spot!
Leave the rioting to the anarchist professionals, and that way, American insurgents can have a clean conscience and a bruise-free backside. Remember, at least in theory, the local constabulary is supposed to be our friend. It's that "protect and serve" motif.
One can also glean some really nifty fashion tips from a local constabulary, and if anyone would know about camo it would be the constabulary. The constabulary can also provide important hygiene tips that prove consistently helpful in curing rashes and bruising.
Being fashionable and hospitable goes a long way in community relations with constabularies and helps reduce homeland security threat risk assessment levels. The conscionable American insurgent is not about aggravating the fuzz. The American insurgent is about looking marvelous and aggravating Slimy Newt Gingrich. Gingrich is an asshole. Cops on the other hand are our neighbors, and just might be your friend. It's possible.
"Everywhere I hear the sound of marching charging feet... boy" (thanks, Jagger, you old insurgent you). Every insurgent on the planet wants comfortable insurgent feet. That's not an exaggeration. A hard day's insurgency can leave the old dogs achy and hot, and the removing of shoes drill at the end of a long insurgent day can clear a room faster than pepper spray fired from a hydraulic cannon nozzle. There will be a resounding chorus of, "put your shoes back on!"
Now, Converse old style would be a good insurgent choice for proper footwear. However, that sounds remarkably like a plug for Converse and we can't have any commercial endorsements without a slip of the money filled envelope under the door, so to speak, so The American Insurgent is NOT endorsing Converse. The "thinking" American insurgent will come to personal decisions in that old personal decision manner and wear whatever gives the feets their proper comfort and due.
Consideration should also be given to the 'stink' factor and that is by no means an endorsement of the O'Really Factor, another genuine asshole. O'Really, that is. However, were O'Really willing to kick down a sizeable financial contribution to the Old American Insurgent Retirement Fund, we at The American Insurgent would be willing to look the other way, take the fool's money, and say no more about the ways and means. However, The American Insurgent would maintain that 'asshole' designation of O'Really. What an asshole!
Color combinations for fall camo are a matter of personal choice. I'm partial to that winter gray and white, but that's just me. Fall is a colorful time of year, so go with what suits a person's fancy. Also, the best camo is American-made camo. Avoid camo that's been made in China or Guatemalan sweatshops. Cathy Lee Gifford will probably offer some sweatshop-crafted camo line, so avoid it like the slavery plague that it is. Cathy Lee just doesn't fill the bill in that 'honorable mention' department of The American Insurgent. Bitch! Cathy is going to have to foot the tab for a heart, lung, and liver transplant for Zippy the wonder husband, and she's a little cash strapped.
Next time — The American Insurgent, and dating with condoms!
© by the author.
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Cotton is perfect fabric unless rioting breaks out with the local constabulary.
Rioting is a bad thing and rioting is highly overrated.
Rioting tends to leave those messy blood stains on cotton camo and blood is ever-so-difficult to wash clean.
Out, damn spot!
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