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Three rows of pawns and other
new chess rules discovered
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by Kevin Good, Unknown News
March 19, 2007
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The Gonzales Justice Department has reviewed the rules for the board game chess. The board will continue to be 64 squares arranged in an 8x8 grid, but since 9/11
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minor adjustments to the rules are necessary.
Little known provisions in the PATRIOT Act and signing statements combined with Executive Orders now allows three rows of pawns to protect the unitary executive homeland row. In addition all rules are subject to change before, during or after the game at the pleasure of the President of the United States without Congressional approval.
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By law the new rules only apply to the black pieces and include:
If the white Knight Patrick Fitzgerald takes the news media black pawn at B5 and from that position takes the black pawn Scooter Libby at C7 a 'check' condition exists.
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No problem, the Queen (see below) provides unlimited funds to keep Pawn C7's conviction tied up in the Judicial system until a pardon is given near the end of this administration. The Justice Department returns the white Knight to position B1 to await a performance review. The black pawn at C7 is replaced, the news media black pawn at B5 is exonerated and the game restarts anew.
When the black Rook Donald Rumsfeld at location A8 became completely unbelievable and obnoxious a new definition of the 'Castle Move' was discovered. He is moved to position
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H8 as the 'Shadow Secretary of Defense' running the Department from a govern-
ment-provided transition office with seven Pentagon-paid staffers.
Robert M. Gates becomes the front man for DoD at position A8. Whenever an appearance
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before the cameras and/or Congress is required he is sent out allowing Rumsfeld to focus his full time and attention on the War with Iran and the game goes on.
The black Knights are now outsourced to sole source contractors. Their numbers moves and locations are
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classified. What they bill the Government is classified. Their budget is classified. Over budget rules are classified. What they spend that money on is classified. Who they
take their orders from is classified and as usual,
should they or any member of their
guy using school bus terror to push his name out of the news is imperfectly legal.
If Alberto Gonzales resigns I imagine they will use the new 'Castle Move' that was so successful at DoD. A front man will occupy position C8 Attorney General and take orders from the newly appointed Special Council to the President Alberto Gonzales position F8 and play resumes.
The Queens locations D1 and D8 are still the money pieces. They have influence over the entire board and can move any number of spaces in any direction. There are no
changes to the avoidable and unenforceable money flow rules. The unwritten rule is still in force where, 'Only Pawns as far as possible down the money trail will take the fall and eager applicants' will quickly replace these pieces'. …and the road goes on forever and the parties never end.
© by the author.
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Little known provisions in the PATRIOT Act and signing statements combined with Executive Orders now allows three rows of pawns to protect the unitary executive homeland row.
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in·fo·bab·ble
Pronunciation: INFOBABBLE!
Function: noun
1: the failure to communicate or the ability to misrepresent knowledge or intelligence
2: the attribute inherent in and communicated by one of two or more alternative sequences or arrangements of something (as nucleotides in DNA or binary digits in a computer program) that produce specific effects or a signal or character (as in a communication system or computer) representing data.
3: something (as a message, experimental data, or a picture) which justifies change in a construct (as a plan or theory) that represents physical or mental experience or other construct.
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