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Newspeak Project Management System
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by Kevin Good, Unknown News
April 2, 2007
The bull-headed U.S. Decidership has rewritten the rules of project management. This classified document is code-named 'Dictatorship
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for Dummies', and the manual is based on George Orwell's warnings in the book 1984, but Bush & Co used it as a how-to manual for their Newspeak Project Management System.
Project Management fundamental revised using Newspeak,
Oldspeak, Defining the Project
Newspeak, Sell the Project and give it a warm fuzzy or scary name (like 'No Child left behind' or 'Shock and Awe')
Oldspeak, Schedules and Budgets
Newspeak, No problem, The war will be short and the oil will pay for it
The Newspeak Project Management System includes free upgrades to words' definitions:
Oldspeak, 'benchmark' | |
1: a mark on a permanent object indicating elevation and serving as a reference in topographic surveys and tidal observations
2 a: a point of reference from which measurements may be made
2 b: something that serves as a standard by which others may be measured or judged |
Newspeak, 'benchmark'| |
1: a mark on a fluid objective indicating the current situation and serving as a reference for future political accomplishments and perceived observations
2: a point of reference from which measurements may be readjusted
3: something that serves as an excuse by which others may not be measured
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Oldspeak, 'milestone'| |
1: an incremental point in the time line to a goal
2: a significant point in development as measured from the benchmark |
Newspeak, milestone | |
1: Mission Accomplished
2: No WMD's
3: No imminent threat
4: No mobile chemical labs
5: No yellow cake uranium
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6: No building collapses or hippo stampedes since 9/11
7: And everyone we killed was Al Qaeda |
Oldspeak, 'goal'| |
1: the end toward which effort is directed (see) AIM |
Well at least that one hasn't changed, even if the new meaning is,
'To keep a population in line, wage perpetual war against a vague enemy'...
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in·fo·bab·ble
Pronunciation: INFOBABBLE!
Function: noun
1: the failure to communicate or the ability to misrepresent knowledge or intelligence
2: the attribute inherent in and communicated by one of two or more alternative sequences or arrangements of something (as nucleotides in DNA or binary digits in a computer program) that produce specific effects or a signal or character (as in a communication system or computer) representing data.
3: something (as a message, experimental data, or a picture) which justifies change in a construct (as a plan or theory) that represents physical or mental experience or other construct.
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