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by Kevin Good, Unknown News
July 2, 2007
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Anticipating Congressional investigation of this Administration's shenanigans a 'top secret' no bid contract was awarded to major DoD contractors to develop the 'Stepford Witness'. These robots would testify on behalf of administration officials and if necessary be destroyed and replaced.
The BETA 1 version was only able to identify a word or two in the question but that was all the specifications required. The device matched the word to a preprogrammed answer in its database and played that answer over and over again till the question stopped or the answer was reprogrammed.
The BETA 2 versions had a larger database and a prototype random spin generator imbedded but still had credibility problems.
The developers hired a consumer preference consultant group to determine the problem. They assembled a 'peasant under glass' study group and using retinal scanning technology discovered viewers were looking at the eyes of the witnesses. The solution was simple; move the viewer's gaze down about 12 inches and you can spew what ever sort of INFOBABBLE! you want.
Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation was so impressed with the technology they purchased the entire first production run including one for his own personal use.
The ruggedized DoD version of the 'Stepford Witnesses' was designed to survive outside the 'fair and balanced' news corporation environment. The Government versions cost ten times as much and often fail under cross examination.
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BETA 1
Rupert's daughter
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The consumer preference consultant group's initial assessment is the glass eyes may be a window to the database not the soul.
© by the author.
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BETA 2
Dana Perino
Sara Taylor
Monica Goodling
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in·fo·bab·ble
Pronunciation: INFOBABBLE!
Function: noun
1: the failure to communicate or the ability to misrepresent knowledge or intelligence
2: the attribute inherent in and communicated by one of two or more alternative sequences or arrangements of something (as nucleotides in DNA or binary digits in a computer program) that produce specific effects or a signal or character (as in a communication system or computer) representing data.
3: something (as a message, experimental data, or a picture) which justifies change in a construct (as a plan or theory) that represents physical or mental experience or other construct.
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