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Drunk while orbiting the Earth

by HappySysiphus

July 27, 2007
 PERMANENT LINK 
I went to Space Academy I (Space Camp for High Schoolers) in Huntsville, Alabama. By virtue of a test all the campers took on knowledge of the U.S. Space program, I was made Shuttle Commander of my simulation group. As in Commander of the Shuttle.

My nickname was "Shuttleman." I was the one sitting in the most critical seat during simulated launch and landing and yes... I could have done it drunk.

"But what if something went wrong!?!" You may ask. Well there are two options available to a shuttle that is in launch mode:

RTLS abort (Return to Launch site)
Or ATO (Abort to orbit)

In either instance your ass is
 
NASA allowed astronauts
to launch while drunk

by Marcia Dunn, Associated Press
 
Excerpt: At least twice, astronauts were allowed to fly after flight surgeons and other astronauts warned they were so drunk they posed a flight-safety risk, an aviation weekly reported Thursday, citing a special panel studying astronaut health.

The independent panel also found "heavy use of alcohol" before launch that was within the standard 12-hour "bottle-to-
throttle" rule, according to Aviation Week & Space Technology, which reported the finding on its website. ... MORE ...
launching into space before you turn around.

At T+2:00min you hit a button that separates the Solid Rocket Boosters. They call it SRB separation, or 'SRB sep'.

T+2:00 SRB sep is a part of any flight plan or abort NO MATTER WHAT. It was my job to execute that order and I did so in an exact replica of the shuttle cockpit when I was fifteen. It's two buttons to press, and they are flashing, the guys on the ground remind you. It is easy.

At that point in the event of an abort you are either on your way to orbit to follow your instructions from ground to press a couple of buttons to hit the next available landing window somewhere that isn't Florida. Or turning your ass around as soon as you are high enough (Out of the appreciable atmosphere) to press a button to get rid of that big orange fuel tank, then turning your ass around to land back at Cape Kennedy.

It is all run on check lists, and you are ALWAYS walked through it from the ground. EVERY TIME.

If you can play a video game, you can land the shuttle. They send you to a site with perfect weather and almost no way to fuck up.

There are a couple of other aborts that have been added since I went to space camp, such as the "once around" abort and some safety features have been added, but for the most part the truth still is if you are on the tip of a missile being propelled into the atmosphere by a vehicle running full out at 15 million horsepower, or alternately you are re-entering the Earth's atmosphere at a temperature of 2300°F, if something goes wrong you are toast, drunk or sober.

Things happen WAYYY to fast for even the sharpest and soberest reactions.

If I was going up in one of those rusty old buckets from the '80s to smell 5-month-old farts and dodge turds in the International Snooze Station, I'd want a blow job from the chick in the next seat and two or three shots of tequila my own self.

Send these same pilots to Mars in a REAL spacecraft and see if they are getting wasted the night before in each-others' rucksacks.

NASA, you are simply not challenging them enough.

HappySysiphus (www.HappySysiphus.com/) unknownnews@inbox.com




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