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Drunk while orbiting the Earth
At T+2:00min you hit a button that separates the Solid Rocket Boosters. They call it SRB separation, or 'SRB sep'. T+2:00 SRB sep is a part of any flight plan or abort NO MATTER WHAT. It was my job to execute that order and I did so in an exact replica of the shuttle cockpit when I was fifteen. It's two buttons to press, and they are flashing, the guys on the ground remind you. It is easy. At that point in the event of an abort you are either on your way to orbit to follow your instructions from ground to press a couple of buttons to hit the next available landing window somewhere that isn't Florida. Or turning your ass around as soon as you are high enough (Out of the appreciable atmosphere) to press a button to get rid of that big orange fuel tank, then turning your ass around to land back at Cape Kennedy. It is all run on check lists, and you are ALWAYS walked through it from the ground. EVERY TIME. If you can play a video game, you can land the shuttle. They send you to a site with perfect weather and almost no way to fuck up. There are a couple of other aborts that have been added since I went to space camp, such as the "once around" abort and some safety features have been added, but for the most part the truth still is if you are on the tip of a missile being propelled into the atmosphere by a vehicle running full out at 15 million horsepower, or alternately you are re-entering the Earth's atmosphere at a temperature of 2300°F, if something goes wrong you are toast, drunk or sober. Things happen WAYYY to fast for even the sharpest and soberest reactions. If I was going up in one of those rusty old buckets from the '80s to smell 5-month-old farts and dodge turds in the International Snooze Station, I'd want a blow job from the chick in the next seat and two or three shots of tequila my own self. Send these same pilots to Mars in a REAL spacecraft and see if they are getting wasted the night before in each-others' rucksacks. NASA, you are simply not challenging them enough.
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