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Turbo-coal solves nuclear waste problem
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by Don Nash, Unknown News
Sept. 4, 2007
BREAKING NEWS FROM
THE LAND MORALITY FORGOT!
Dateline -- behind the Zion
Curtain.
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This news parody just in: Senator Orrin G. Hatch has announced from his swank
office suite high atop the U.S. Senate Chambers, “big plans for coal,
radioactive waste, Private Fuel Storage Inc., and Murray Energy
Company.”
Hatch, along with Robert Murray, owner of Murray Energy, and
Kevin Stricklin of the Mine Safety and Health Administration (MSHA), have devised a plan that will revolutionize
the coal mining industry and the
storage of radioactive waste in the
United States.
(Kevin Stricklin is just your run-of-the-mill government flunky and
sycophant supreme and his presence is necessary only for the sake of
pseudo-governmental imprimatur.)
Messrs. Hatch, Murray, Stricklin, and some guys in ties from Private
Fuel Storage made their startling disclosure yesterday (which
happened to be Labor Day, and doesn’t that just figure!). Hatch unveiled
his genius idea and it goes something like this ...
Private Fuel Storage has an inordinate amount of spent fuel rods from
nuclear generation plants hither and yon across these United States.
Robert Murray has several now non-functional coal mines, also hither and
yon across these United States.
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Hatch’s ‘turbo-coal’ will be a new and user-friendly kind of super coal and will give added benefit to power plant generators across these United States.
Coal-fired power plants won’t have to burn as much of Hatch’s turbo-coal as old-fashioned coal, and America won’t have so many pesky spent nuclear fuel rods laying around radioactively burning the very ground they’re stored on.
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Several of Murray’s mines are now in
an advanced state of closure due to some inconvenient “cave-ins,” and
are therefore off limits for the present, and problematic to say the
least.
So to dispose of at least two of Hatch’s more “pressing”
problems, what the beneficent Senator proposes to do is pump spent
fuel rods into Murray’s now closed and dysfunctional coal mines. The
blending of ‘cave-in’ coal and spent nuclear fuel rods will produce a
dynamic and hyper-powerful form of coal, which Hatch plans to call “turbo-coal.” See? It’s sheer genius and solves two problems at once. Hatch
is about “solutions” if Hatch is about anything.
The injection of spent nuclear fuel rods into collapsed coal mines
will turn previously smushed coal into a kind of nuclear coalitic
slush, which will therefore be able to be pumped from “dangerous”
mining scenarios, and won’t really put any miners “lives” in any
jeopardy whatsoever. Now comes the best part of Hatch’s brilliant plan.
Hatch, Murray, and Stricklin have “redesigned” mining and
government regulations to allow for the pumping and possible mining
processes to be performed by “migrant children.” You see? That Orrin
G. Hatch is thinking all the time.
According to Hatch, “migrant
children are supremely expendable and an unnecessary annoyance to
white society and the Minutemen Project.” Hatch really did say “white
society.” He will maintain profusely that he said “right society,”
but we all heard what he said.
Hatch’s plan will benefit migrants,
mine owner/operators, nuclear fuel storage problems, and get Kevin
Stricklin out of the public spotlight. Strickin is truly out of his
league when it comes to MSHA issues and mining disasters in general.
Now, Hatch’s ‘turbo-coal’ will be a new and user-friendly kind of
super coal and will give added benefit to power plant generators
across these United States. Coal-fired power plants won’t have to
burn as much of Hatch’s turbo-coal as old-fashioned coal, and America won’t have so many
pesky spent nuclear fuel rods laying around radioactively burning the
very ground they’re stored on.
We’ll all be able to “breath” a little
better at night. We’ll all have an excess capacity of electricity to
burn those night lights with. The lights will “glow” a little
brighter after the start up of Hatch’s plan.
Yes friends, Senator Hatch and
the American political/corporate buddy system working hand in hand
for the future of a growing America. Be sure and watch for Migrant
Mining Mutants and Their Sorely Ugly Children, coming soon to a
theater near you.
© by the author.
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