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Let's put the fun back into executions
by Pavel C., Unknown News
November 5, 2007
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I am curious about why society ever stopped using
the guillotine! It is fast, sure and probably as
painless as any method of dying. Best of all, it is
perfectly economical. Though if the Bush Regime
reinstituted guillotining for its enemies, the machines
would probably be built under no-bid contracts by a
Fortune 500 engineering firm, the blades would not be
reusable, FDA approval would be required under
"medical device" regulations, and the machines would
need to be computer controlled to eliminate human
involvement in administering the kill, with key
software contracted out to IBM, or some such shit
(can't trust anything important to Microsoft)
But perhaps the fact that the guillotine is painless
and fast is what society does not approve of. We want
our official murders to actually be painful and
thoroughly degrading, yet appear to be righteous and
humane.
That explains why the drugs used for lethal
injection reportedly do not produce unconsciousness
prior to
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suffocation; the prisoner is kept awake yet
paralyzed so that the observers are not traumatized.
So much for 21st century morality!
There was nothing wrong with firing squads, nothing
that required invention of the electric chair or
cyanide gas chambers. A bullet in the heart is
undoubtedly more merciful than frying someone
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withelectricity or burning out their lungs with poison
gases. Apparently the idea was (and is) to punish with
grievous torture as part of the killing. We never did
want painless executions, we just wanted to maintain
an illusion that our hands are clean, not dripping in
blood.
But why be hypocrites? The Old Testament Bible allows
us to stone adulterers to death! If we wanted painless
executions we would feed the prisoners opium and vodka
until they pass out. Then any method would finish
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the job painlessly. But we do not appear to want fast,
painless, humane executions that are not degrading to
everyone involved. And that is why each new scientific
advance in execution machines is more appalling and
horrifying than the last.
If we want to be honest about our true morality we
should ask for volunteer executioners to Taser the
fuckers to death. If Tasers are good enough for people
not yet convicted of anything, including unruly
children, then by God why aren't they good enough for
murderers?
Or to hell with it, pay a volunteer to hit the condemned
man over the head with a shovel, and then let the Bible
Thumbers finish him off by beating him with their Old
Testaments!
Come on people! You don't
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need plausible deniability
when you have your jollies! If you believe in state
sanctioned killing, then you should be willing to sign
up to do the job yourself in a proper, professional
manner. Let's just all come out of the execution
closet!
Or, if that is unacceptable, I propose the following.
Condemned prisoners will fight to the death in a
circular arena. We will charge admission and license
it to Pay Per View. Winning prisoners will be allowed
to live another week to fight in the next episode, and Vegas will make book on
the outcomes. How great will that be! An entirely
(almost) new industry, which will be the perfect thing
to rescue a faltering GDP, attract tourism, and offset
declining music-CD sales.
© by the author.
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If we wanted painless
executions we would feed the prisoners opium and vodka
until they pass out.
Then any method would finish
the job painlessly.
But we do not appear to want fast,
painless, humane executions that are not degrading to
everyone involved.
And that is why each new scientific
advance in execution machines is more appalling and
horrifying than the last.
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