My Mother will be 70, my stepfather 60, my brother 50 and I will be 41 this year. My best
friend just turned 55 and after a stroke will be placed in a nursing home. I still go to
brush my teeth and expect the 20 year version of my face to appear in the mirror, nasty
shock. No matter how much
I exercise I have a little pouch on my belly that won't go away.
I used to have awesome abs. I know that it is cliche, but I am starting to think about
last ditch, crazy adventures to "feel" young again. I don't like being nervous about
getting on a ladder, even though experience has taught me about the long fall, the
hard pavement, and the slow recovery.
I think about jumping out of a plane or off a bridge
with a bungee cord tied to my feet, just to prove that I can. Or maybe to prove that I am
not afraid. I'm not old, but I'm not young either. I have never been afraid of the dark,
but more and more I worry about what lay ahead. As my friends get
"diagnosed" and "treated" I walk through my day wondering if I will be hit by something
unexpected, if I will be "diagnosed" and "treated."
Life is hard enough without worrying about Iraq, Iran, Israel and the rest. Without
wondering if democracy is truly dead in this country or just on the ropes. Can we get it
back? Will it be as good as it was before? I can't trust cops, lawyers, doctors,
pharmaceuticals, beef, toys, or even
The fear language seems pervasive.
You might get sick, "be afraid."
You might get sued, "be afraid."
You might be killed by terrorists, "be afraid."
Global warming is sending a storm your way, "be afraid."
I don't want to be afraid, I want to relax and start working toward retirement.
And I am getting very annoyed at the people around me who ARE afraid.
emails, there might something ugly unleashed on my
computer from lies about candidates to viruses to those obnoxious chain letters. Having
health insurance doesn't mean you're covered, having a representative doesn't mean that
you are represented, and having a mortgage has become a very scary thing. I am tired of
being tired, and I am tired of being lied to, manipulated, and sold.
The fear language seems pervasive. You might get sick, "be afraid." You might get sued,
"be afraid." You might be killed by terrorists, "be afraid." Global warming is sending a
storm your way, "be afraid." I don't want to be afraid, I want to relax and start working
toward retirement. And I am getting very annoyed at the people around me who ARE afraid. I
may not jump off a bridge, but I may run for office, write a book, or maybe I'll just put
a sign on my house that can be seen from space and it will say:
No matter what you do,
I AM FREE!
MonkeyMan
You've summed up the experience pretty dang well. Insert a long sigh right here.
I try not to drop clues about my age on the website, but I'm certainly in possession of plenty of age and it's accumulating. I have fond memories of generally not thinking about health, eating food with fatness as the only worry, and yeah, looking in the mirror and seeing myself instead of some lady who looks a little like my mother.
And I remember a time when politics was, at least to my knowledge, a dirty business but not a matter of routine mass murders, and reporters were generally people you respected for making a sincere effort at accuracy, with a low-level thoroughness and impartiality. Things have changed, and I am very, very weary of petitioning my government and complaining to and about media malpractice.
I will say, if you've never done it and you want to feel youngish again, I always recommend attending protests for good progressive causes. Getting arrested is optional, but can certainly get your blood pumping.
Helen & Harry
I just finished reading WATCHDOGS OF DEMOCRACY by Helen Thomas. The book is very interesting and well-written. This particular book is a mix of the chronological progress of deregulation and it's effects, then v. now journalism, and different administrations and their relationship with the press, all as it pertains to the function of a "unfettered press" to maintain a true democracy. I would recommend it to anyone interested in free speech, journalism, and/or politics. She is one a few who did not hesitate to ask Bush2, McClellan, et al. very direct questions about why we were going to war.
And I will look for protests, but this part of Georgia is especially conservative. I look forward to living somewhere more progressive, permissive, um more evolved. I'm going to go eat my Wheaties and think about ways to get more involved.
